Lollipops
by Snow Gnat
Summary: Is a fear of lollipops irrational? ...Well, yes it is. Or is it? ... yes.
1. Chapter 1

_Okay, I'm having a go at doing an Artemis Fowl fic. Bet you hadn't guessed. _

_Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl. I do not even own a reasonably amusing disclaimer._

* * *

Artemis sat bolt upright. He exhaled openly as his mind adjusted to his surroundings. His bedroom. Hardly surprising, as it was just past midnight, but it was a relief to be back in reality.

Artemis had never really had dreams. Well, obviously, he did, but he never recalled them, or noticed that they were taking place. But recently….

He shuddered.

It was silly really. How could such a ridiculous thing actually scare him? Of course, it was much easier to say that in the comfort of his own room. The child prodigy closed his eyes, listening to the soothing sound of the computer's fan. He always kept a computer on during the night, just in case an idea came to him while he slept. No such luck tonight, unless you counted… _that. _It wasn't actually an idea anyhow, it was a dream, and made no sense whatsoever. In fact, although Artemis hated to admit to it, it was more like a nightmare.

Best to just forget it. Carry on with life. The nightmare didn't actually mean anything. Besides, what self respecting criminal genius would be caught dead dreaming of such a thing?

* * *

_I know it's short. **Very** short. Holly Short. Only 192 words to be precise, assuming, of course, that microsoft word can count._

_Oh, and btw, any **true** fan of Artemis should be able to tell what the dream was about. (Hint: The last line wasa real giveaway.)_

_But, as I wasgoing to say,even if it is short that is no reason to leave without reviewing._


	2. Chapter 2

_At last! Chapter two!_

_Well, thanks to all who reviewed! I would have replied, but I am unused to all this newfangled technology such as replying to reviews._

_By the way, this is set after the Opal Deception, so if you haven't read it, then, without giving too much away, Holly and Mulch are now detectives, not affiliated with the LEP, and the LEP is now under the management of Ark Sool. Also, Artemis has regained his memory. I think that's all you need to know._

_Disclaimer: I still do not own Artemis Fowl or a vaguely amusing disclaimer. In fact, I don't even own an idea for a disclaimer that I haven't already used._

* * *

The Nutri-Bar lay on the table in the quiet, tranquil room. Nothing stirred. It was as quiet as the grave, if not quieter. Chaos was no-where to be seen.

Without warning, chaos tumbled into view.

In the form of Holly Short.

Holly grabbed the bar that was lying on her table, and tore it open; attempting to unlock her door by typing in a code, strap her LEP belt round her slim waist, and pull on her boots at the same time.

Needless to say, it was a futile task.

She finally managed it get out of the flat, in a jumble. She set off down the hallway to the street beyond, wishing with all her might for and extra hand or three.

Holly's boots pounded the tarmac road as the she towards the small office on the corner. Biting her lip, she pushed open the door.

The bell chimed.

"Late again, Detective Shortlock."

"Shut up, Watson."

The stocky dwarf grinned. Okay, so the whole Sherlock and Watson thing wasn't the most original of his many jokes, but then again, it was too early.

Holly wrinkled her nose. "Ugh. What in Frond's name is that smell?"

Mulch pretended to think about it, wriggling his hairy toes, which rested uncovered on the desk. The newly polished desk. The newly polished by Holly desk.

"Search me."

Holly's eyes narrowed. "No need." She said, indicating his feet. "I can guess."

She shoved his feet off the desk, and perched on the edge of it.

"Shoes. On." She ordered.

Mulch reluctantly pulled on the shoes, which, to be honest, didn't make that much of an improvement.

Holly scanned a plasma screen mounted on the wall.

"Anything interesting?"

"You mean excluding Opal Koboi selling sweets?"

"Yes. That's not exactly a case is it?"

"I don't know… bit suspicious…"

"Mulch, will you kindly stop being an idiot."

"Wait, wait, I'm not done yet. Why do you still have your LEP belt?"

Holly's hand dropped to her buzz baton. "Because it has a holster for this. And this often comes in handy." She replied, brandishing the baton menacingly.

"Point taken."

Much as Holly would hate to admit it, the actual reason she still possessed the belt was that she missed the LEP. Well, not so much the LEP, but the memories she had of it. The good old days. When there was a crisis every other day. Usually something to do with Arte-

She shook herself. "What was that, Mulch? What happened? I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. Must have been in a world of my own!"

Mulch blinked. "I didn't say anything. Are you okay?"

"Me? I'm fine. Never better. In fact-"

Mulch was saved further ramblings as the blue call light flashed, accompanied by a loud beep.

"Accept call." He said clearly.

The screen remained blank.

"_Accept call_"

There was a pause…

And then the screen burst into life.

"_Hey kiddos! Tired of normal boring sweets? Want to taste something out of the ordinary? Well here's your chance! Experience new Opal-Pops!"_

_The smiling elf on screen was replaced by a row of lollipops in every colour imaginable and more._

"_Just a lick will send your taste buds into overdrive! Guaranteed no poison! So bu-"_

Holly hit the End Call button. The image on-screen fizzed and died.

"_Kiddos_?" She grimaced, "Do they even check the addresses they send these Ad-Calls to?"

Mulch stroked his untameable beard. Something he had made a habit of doing since becoming a detective. "I told you there was something suspicious about Opal selling sweets."

Holly groaned. "Mulch, the only suspicious thing about _Opal-Pops_ is their dodgy advertising. Honestly, who sends an Ad-Call to an _office_? And for sweets…"

"Opal Koboi does…But the question is: why?"

"Seriously, Mulch, you're beginning to sound like Foaly."

* * *

_Access denied._

The centaur blinked. Access denied? He had built this system from scratch, knew all the pass codes, and it was telling him access was denied?

He typed in the password again.

_Access denied._

What?

_Access denied._

He couldn't believe this. The password was right, he was sure of it.

He checked the wrist computer he stored the pass codes on.

Yes. He was right. Then why-?

_Access denied._

He tried in vain to enter other passwords. None worked.

He tried the one Holly had given him for the files on the first Artemis Fowl case.

_FowlLollipops12_

Nope.

He double checked it.

_Password correct._

Oh. Okay then. So why hadn't it worked the first time?

He checked what he had typed in, in a rush.

_FLollipops_

FLollipops?

Shrugging his hairy shoulders, he changed the password back to the original.

* * *

Juliet looked up.

_Beep._

She frowned, scanning the room.

_Beep._

Oh.

She grabbed the fairy communicator off the table.

"Artemis!"

…

"ARTEMIS!"

"Yes?" The prodigy replied smoothly, scaling the ancient stairs.

"The fairy whatchamacallit's beeping."

"Oh." Artemis touched the green button on the 'fairy whatchamacallit' and waited expectantly.

"Hey Arty."

Artemis winced. "Mulch."

"That's the name. Look, Holly thinks this is nothing, and that I'm acting like Foaly, but-"

"MULCH!"

The on-screen dwarf bit his lip. "Yep? What is it?"

Artemis thought he already knew.

Holly's voice was sickeningly sweet. "You're not, by any chance, telling the Mud

Boy about your lolly case, are you?"

"Of course not…"

"I don't believe you."

There was a zapping noise, and Mulch yelped.

Holly shoved him off-screen.

"Fowl. Ignore him. I'm beginning to think Foaly's Opal Koboi paranoia is contagious."

"Opal Koboi? Isn't she-?"

"In prison? No. She was released and is now making an honest living selling sweets. Mainly lollipops."

Artemis paled. "Lollipops?" He repeated, cursing himself for using that… that word.

"Yeah. What?"

"Nothing." But inwardly, Artemis shuddered. That dream…

"Okay. Look, seeing as there's no _real _case on our hands," here she glanced pointedly at Mulch, "we'd best be off. Thanks for the chat. And ignoring _Sherlock_ here."

A whiny voice issued from the area beside Holly. "That's my joke…"

"Bye then, Mud whelp. Good riddance!"

"I love you too, Holly."

"Wait! Arty! The lollip-"

Holly groaned and terminated the link.

* * *

_If it looks like it has a plot, let me tell you: it's not much of one. It's something I'm kind of... makingupasIgoalong... yeah... ahem._

_Well, thanks for reading! Or at least skipping to the end. Well, either way, leave a review. If you did skip to the end, just say: Nice... er, author notes..._


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